Aug 2022 - Newsletter #004 for Friends of
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Unrooting the old culture within, reinventing the world without
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Did you see our Survey?
Last week we sent out a 5 minute survey to our Friends of The Big House Project. We are grateful to have had a wonderful response so far, if you have completed it, thank you, we appreciate your time!
If you haven't already, there's 2 more weeks to fill it in!
Here's a sneak peak of the prizes in store:
• Free places on our new short online course, "What does it take to live in community",
• Sets of beautiful NVC feelings and needs cards,
• A limited run of our signature "connect" T shirts.
At the very least, with the results of this survey, we hope to better tailor our courses and Newsletters) for you.
Dreaming a bit bigger, the survey could possibly inform the creation of some kind of networking platform, to bring aspiring community builders and change-makers together to see what magic unfolds...
The winners will be drawn on Wednesday, 31st Aug 2022
Watch this space...
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Project Update:
We've just recently completed our most recent Collaboration Skills Course for a fledgling community group, of 15 participants, here in Whangarei. It went really well!
We've been continuing to meet, explore how we function in community, develop our group processes, and learn more about each other. In June we went on our second retreat, this time to Kai Iwi Lakes for 2 nights. Among other exercises, we shared our life stories with each other, a fascinating experience!
Our intention remains; to find a large building, able to accommodate many, with some land, near a city. However it is clear to us that we need both to grow the group, and to further deepen our learning about how to collaborate, explore, and resolve our triggers and traumas as they come up, and share our learnings (as far as we can!)
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Member introduction: Peter Scott
"I was one of the 25 or so members that came together to create Earthsong Eco-Neighbourhood from 1997 onwards. My decade working on that project taught me more about life than all the rest of my days put together. Of course, people often raise their eyebrows when they hear that we met 2 or 3 times a week for several years. And yes, that's what it took to build a cohousing project from scratch. But my experience of all those meetings was not that they were a chore, no, not at all. It was, in fact, a time of rich learning, as we all figured out how to work together. That’s not something any of us were taught in school.
It was also a time of celebrating the rich experience of real community, we spent so much time together we were like family, even though for much of that time we didn’t yet have a place to call home. As we got better at making decisions together, the sense of self and group empowerment was profound. That we can make a difference, that small groups of people coming together can change the world. That everyone in group, young, old, techy, homey, each person had a role to play, each carrying part of the truth needed to build community.
In 2018, through a quirky set of circumstances, I somehow ended up in Germany, where I had the privilege to visit the four largest eco-villages in Germany. These projects having 100-250 members impressed me so much, that I stayed for some weeks at each one. And while the permaculture, eco-building, and sophisticated economic models were amazing, like nothing we have here. The real learning for me, was the glue that holds these communities together. This glue was a shared commitment to their personal development, which prevents conflict tearing these projects apart. Their culture embodied the radical idea that we can heal ourselves best in community. And that, when we can risk letting go of some of the autonomy and privacy that we value so highly here in NZ, this allows members to connect so much more deeply and richly.
Far from home, on the other side of the world, I met Sibylle. She taught me about Polyvagal theory, which was the missing link that makes deep collaboration not just possible but a source of safety and contentment in our lives. So I had to go to Germany to figure this out, because before that my source of peace was found only at the top of a mountain. So, with this new project, for me I see the Big House as a metaphor, that it is only together that we can survive, thrive, and heal this planet."
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The Collaboration Skills Course:
Our next Collaboration Skills Course is pencilled in for sometime during September. This will be a full weekend plus the following Saturday; here in Whangarei. Depending on the Survey results, you might also see some courses in other cities during the summer. If you are interested in us bringing a course to your town, please do get in touch!
Here is some feedback from a participant of the last course:
"You two are a dynamic team - you balance each other perfectly in terms of your skill sets and personalities. Words really fail me, to express just how powerful and transformational the course was. I think I speak for many of us when I say that we hadn't really expected it to be so personally and profoundly moving. Although there was a lot of informative content, it blended flawlessly with the experiential and dynamic aspects to take it to another level. It was also exciting and precious to have the particular participants that the universe chose to experience the community we created out of this. Everything seems to be happening quite magically."
Course Details:
Saturday 10th September - 10am - 6pm
Saturday 17th September - 10am - 6pm
Saturday 24th September - 10am - 6pm
Our Collaboration Skills Course is open to ANYONE who is interested in developing more knowledge and skills, we think it is ESSENTIAL for anyone planning to share land, property, or a home with anyone (including, and maybe even especially, family)
1. Personal development (What is it and why do we need it) - Social brain anatomy, Addressing development trauma, Emotions, Core beliefs & Protection systems, the Corridor of well-being
2. The art of dialogue (How to have connecting conversations) - What is in the way, Great conversations, What is dialogue, Dialogue practice
3. Conflict resolution (How to use conflict to improve relationships) - The nature of conflict, Non Violent Communication, Our need for safety and belonging, Tools
4. Decision making (How to make decisions that everyone can enjoy) - Foundations, Decision making methods, What is consensus, Coloured cards, Sociocracy, The role of the agenda
5. Facilitation (How to plan and conduct a productive meeting) - Why facilitate, Understanding the meeting process, Participation formats, Strategies & skills
6. Connection (How to achieve deeper connections and bondings in relationships) - Why connect, What's in the way, How to connect, Bonding (connection that lasts)
The course costs $185, (refundable in the event of cancellation or with 7 days notice).
The venue is in the Maunu area of Whangarei.
Pleas email to register your interest at: info@thebighouseproject.nz or click the booking button below
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Sibylle's story continued
My
inner knowing woke up again. “You are not going to live much longer
in Berlin”. The place I always felt at home suddenly did not feel
like home any more. “You should live in a community. A community
where people know how to share their inner world. A community where
people are able to give and receive in a balanced way. A community
where people can be strong and yielding at the same time. A community
where people trust each other”. I noticed that voice, and decided to
be curious what life will bring.
The
knowing also told me, that I had too much stuff and I should get rid
of it and that I should go to the ZEGG again, a German eco village.
Having attended workshops in the ZEGG before and always liked staying
at that place it did not take me long to sign in for the 12 day
summer-camp.
There
I met Peter, who only came to Germany a couple of days before the
event started. Peter, a friend of eco-villages for decades, remembered
when he arrived in my country, that in his 20s he had
seen a film about the ZEGG. When googling he learned about the camp.
He signed in, too. That’s how we met. In the middle of a path he
started to talk to me. Originally I had different plans, than talking
to that stranger, but my inner voice said: “Be polite, he is from
abroad”. So I stopped to do some small talk. 37 degrees, pure sunshine
and we stood there talking and after a few minutes I wanted to go
back to my original plan. “Just a short hug and then leave him”,
I thought.
This
short hug evolved to a long hug, and we deeply looked in each others
eyes. At some time we moved in the shade......... At the last day of
the camp - knowing he wanted to visit Berlin - I took all my courage
and offered him to stay with me while he was visiting Berlin. He
first wanted to stay in the ZEGG for some more time and I had to
visit my kids, still living near the Danish border. But then he came
and stayed with me for more than two month till the middle of October,
visiting some other eco villages in between, till his visa expired.
this story to be continued in the next newsletter....
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Other things happening locally that we think are awesome:
Tākaka Cohousing Project:
This project has gone from discussions in 2020 to construction in 2022! Fantastic speed for a project of this nature. It surely helped that the land was already zoned for residential development, and near to the town centre for easy access to services and suchlike.
Simone Kidner, one of the project founders and Director of Mohua Ventures, has written the following article about the project:
Article for Tākaka Cohousing May 2022
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Reviewed by Peter:
This book, in my view, is an excellent contribution to the group facilitation landscape. Like Jim Rough’s dynamic facilitation, her model utilises highly skilled facilitation to efficiently discover group convergence. In the first phase, the facilitator harvests a set of criteria in which to later build proposals, in her words: identifying the non-controversial essence of each participants needs. You write these up on the board as they are identified, and as you do this, you reframe any ‘problems’ or ‘judgements’ into needs. (Kashtan’s background is in NVC).
The book is chock-full of useful guidance for aspiring facilitators. For example:
- As a facilitator you have to be unreactive, (deal with your trauma), which gives you a calm presence, and the ability to tap into your intuition. - As a facilitator you must often use yes or no questions, as there isn't time to hear from everyone, rounds impart a high cost on the group. - You must learn to interrupt, when it serves the purpose of the meeting - Ground rules don’t usually work (because when someone is triggered the rule book goes out the window) - Near the end of the first phase, invite controversy, especially from the quiet ones, and deal with any issues with curiosity - The least resistance to a proposal is what you are looking for. Choose a threshold of willingness, eg can you live with it, or, do you have any serious issue with it - Engage with outliers, ‘annoying' people often have gifts for the group
Each and every one of us working on community, can benefit from becoming a better facilitator. Add to this material some of the ideas from the decolonisation movement (see Peter Block, or Vanessa Andreotti) and we really have a shot at creating more organic organisation models.
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The Documents:
We have made our founding documents available online for those who wish to view and/or use them for your own project/s
So far we have:
Decision Making Process,
Meeting Procedures,
Conflict Management
Procedures,
Spending Policy,
Membership Process, (this one is going back to the drawing board as it seems somewhat irrelevant without a Big House!)
and the Associate Membership
Agreement
Download them here!
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Useful links, videos and good reads:
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