May 2022 - Newsletter #003 for Friends of
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A pioneering project about overcoming old ideas and troublesome programming
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Intense times.....
Sometimes
life becomes more intense than we had planned... The vendor of the Big
House we had in mind suddenly announced to us, that the house is
going on the market and the auction would take place 4 weeks later.
That
information put us in a kind of shocked state. Fortunately some
friends of Sibylle, who live in Germany, at the same time offered us
out of the blue a lovely donation. This was the sign we needed to
overcome the first shock. A sign that our project was needed and supported.
But...
What
should we do first? Many things had to be decided and done. New
members? Funding? Legal documents? Setting up a business? Setting up
a bank account? The Collaboration Skills Course was fully booked, we
even had to put some people off on the next Course! We were excited
for the potential!
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The Collaboration Skills Course
Our 5 core members were very much looking forward to meeting the people interested in our project. I (Sibylle) think the first and the last part of the course were the most challenging for our participants. The exercises took quite some courage! For example, looking into each others eyes, getting in touch with (or maybe discovering) non-existing boundaries, and hugging each other, it was not always an easy job. There was also fun and laughter, as we experienced these new things and learnt together. The highlight of each day was surely our lunch-break, wonderful company, enjoyable conversations, and beautiful dishes that all the participants contributed.
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The work...
Parallel
to the course we did a LOT of foundation work on the project. Many meetings and hours
poured in... We are all a bit exhausted!! For a very young project, we managed to get a lot done in 4 months!!! We have experienced a variety of learning situations along the way, and we have learned from them and continue to evolve our process to ensure we are sticking to our values.
If you are interested in reading our documents, so far we have ratified:
Decision Making Process,
Meeting Procedures,
Conflict Management
Procedures,
Spending Policy,
Membership Process,
and the Associate Membership
Agreement
Download them here!
Just two days before the auction of 41 Church Road, Kamo, the entity (The Big House Project Limited) that would buy the house, was established. Opening a bank account was not easy. The Co-operative Bank would not open an account for a entity with 5 directors, even when we told them our entity was destined to be a co-operative. The next bank told us, that it would take 6 weeks to get a business account for the entity. Eek!!!
Finally we managed to get a bank account, that was fully set up about 1 hour before the auction started...
And the Auction!
Our
excitement grew with every minute on the morning of April 20th.
Which of us was going to do the bidding? What was our limit? How should we bid - fast/slow/big increments/small increments... we formulated a plan. We went to the Real Estate Agents office where
the auction took place. More and more people arrived, our nervousness
increased as the room filled and overflowed outside. The first auction passed, then the second, Church road was the third.
And then the disappointment, when we noticed that we could
not keep up with the other bidders, and it climbed out of our reach.... It was like a shock, the
property was not meant to be ours.
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at the Auctioneers office... Lees face says it all!
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Moving on...
We
will go on.
There is no doubt.
This project is our dream, a dream to
do what we can, to make the earth a much better place, and to find more joy and connection, doing work and life together.
We continue to search for pioneers.
People willing to experiment with living similarly to flatmates (though with the bonus of common goals, a shared vision, and co-ownership of the home!) in a large, semi-rural home. Collaborating and supporting each other, increasing our "free time" with shared meals and chores, and many other ways... Join us in paving the way for more community led, affordable, healthy housing!
If you want to help make this dream a reality, we need you.
We need more members, more exposure (please spread the word and share your ideas of where we can advertise!), we need donations (financial contributions/loans/investment), and information on big old houses/buildings with land to sell or rent, any ideas you might have that contain a solution for us. While we search for the ideal property, some of us are needing a place to live, so we are looking for a transitional "test" house (to suit up to 4-5 adults + 2 kids).
We are open to all kind of ideas!
Robin Dunbar reports (on evolutionary psychology) that we evolved from lower order mammals through to more mature mammals and primates by living in small bands of about 15 individuals, with wider affiliations of 50, then on up to 150. Cohousing, confirms these numbers with early smaller projects not surviving, with 12 being the benchmark minimum.
We haven't got to 12 yet! But these folks in Germany recently have: Fuchesmulle started as a group of 12 young adults who wanted to live differently, they crowd-funded - click the link for the video - and hunted for a suitable property (an old flour mill) and their project began! We are inspired once again!
If you look at this from a nervous system point of view, it's about co-regulation. We need, (and I mean need in the evolutionary sense, as we evolved to require oxygen), people around us to help regulate our nervous systems. This is one of Stephen Porges core tenets. The sole reason we, in post modern societies, choose to defy these needs, can be explained in a single word, development trauma.
We sincerely look forward to hearing from you,
Please email us at info@thebighouseproject.nz
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Save time and stress |
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How much time could you save if 2 meals a day were shared and often cooked by others? What would you do with the extra time?
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Healthy Homes |
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We intend to use environmentally friendly and non-toxic materials to ensure our continuing good health.
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Economic |
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Shared space = reduced resource use, smaller bills, less equipment/tools (eg shared washing machine)
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Sibylle's story continued
I
asked myself “What is my outer world mirroring me? Why can’t I
find a partner?” No answer came up. And I found out, I could do the
kinesiological methods on myself. Me being my best guinea-pig, I
talked to my body via muscle-testing. I found out, that my
upbringing, the way my parents treated me as a kid, installed anxiety
of people and intimacy in my energetic system. My curiosity said:
Hello, here I am. Let’s find out what energy is in the way of
attracting the partnership I want. And what energy is holding me back
that in the old state.
I
learned a lot about my subconscious beliefs. “Men are not safe, I
do not trust them. Opening my heart is not safe. I have to be strong
and do not need someone else in my life........." The more I worked
with these hindering beliefs, the more my inner world changed towards
relationship. “Yes, a partner would be nice and maybe he could life
in the same suburb”. Next step: “He could even live next door”.
“He could even live in the same house in the flat next to my flat”.
Getting
rid of dysfunctional core beliefs still was an important task. How
close can I be to people now? I had to check that. Coming from a
place where even hugs were terrible and while forcing myself doing it
once in a while my (not existing) hair in my neck kind of stood up
like the hair of an afraid animal. Cuddle-puddles were the right
thing to try that out. No standing up hair any more. Other workshops
with the intend to connect to people followed. I had no problems in
connecting any more. That was a big success for me. Finally I could
think, that it would be possible to share my flat with a partner.
this story to be continued in the next newsletter....
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Collaboration Skills 3 day Course:
Saturday 14th May - 10am - 6pm
Saturday 21st May - 10am - 6pm
Saturday 28th May - 10am - 6pm
Our Collaboration Skills Course is open to ANYONE who is interested in developing more knowledge and skills, we think it is ESSENTIAL for anyone planning to share land, property, or a home with anyone (including, and maybe even especially, family)
1. Personal development (What is it and why do we need it) - Social brain anatomy, Addressing development trauma, Emotions, Core beliefs & Protection systems, the Corridor of well-being
2. The art of dialogue (How to have connecting conversations) - What is in the way, Great conversations, What is dialogue, Dialogue practice
3. Conflict resolution (How to use conflict to improve relationships) - The nature of conflict, Non Violent Communication, Our need for safety and belonging, Tools
4. Decision making (How to make decisions that everyone can enjoy) - Foundations, Decision making methods, What is consensus, Coloured cards, Sociocracy, The role of the agenda
5. Facilitation (How to plan and conduct a productive meeting) - Why facilitate, Understanding the meeting process, Participation formats, Strategies & skills
6. Connection (How to achieve deeper connections and bondings in relationships) - Why connect, What's in the way, How to connect, Bonding (connection that lasts)
The course costs $175, (refundable in the event of cancellation or with 7 days notice).
The venue is in the Maunu area of Whangarei.
Pleas email to register your interest at: info@thebighouseproject.nz or click the booking button below
Feedback from one of our attendees:
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Other things happening locally that we think are awesome:
Common Ground is a training, consulting and facilitation support for anyone working on: Community Land Trusts; Local, Housing Community Pioneers; Helping Local, Regional and Central Government understand and enable regenerative community housing initiatives; Developers focused on responsible, ecologically sustainable and socially cohesive projects.
Run by Zola Rose who has extensive experience and achievements in alternative housing, eco-village living, and other valuable and relevant skills like permaculture and working with councils. Check out the website for more information.
One of our Big House Project members attended the Women Revolutionising Housing Retreat last June and had this to say about the retreat and Zola:
"The quality and quantity of information. The opportunity for collaboration on content, so that all attendees could be sure to get what they wanted from the event.
The warmth and connection she brings with her communication and energy! Easy communication, great to collaborate with, ability to think outside the box and come up with interesting and effective solutions"
Carol Sumner
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Sibylle reviews our book recommendation this week:
The Whole-Brain Child - Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D (2012)
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Sibylle writes:
This
book is amazing because it first gives insight into brain development
and then tips and tricks how to help your child to grow up into an
adult having the skills to use his brain in the most useful way.
Useful for himself, and useful for the people around him.
Brain
research showed very clearly, that our brain consists of an
evolutionary older part and a newer one. The older one has the focus
on surviving, the newer one, on thriving and deep connection with other
people. When the new brain is at the steering wheel we feel good, we
are looking for connection and win-win solutions, and our health is
supported.
This
book offers valuable information on how the brain works. This
information does not only apply to kids but also to adults. Giving a
lot of examples of interaction between adults and kids, the reader
learns a lot about how people function. This is helpful for any
interaction with others.
And
it also provides with a lot of strategies, that not only help kids to
grow into a place, where they are able to stay in an emotional state
to use the connecting skills of the new brain. But also us adults to
learn to use our new parts of the brain more effectively.
I
highly recommend this book not only if you are raising kids, but also
for everyone that is interested in personal growth. The book is easy
to read, has a lot of examples to make the statements more
understandable, and also offers many helpful hints.
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Useful links and good videos/articles:
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