Meat of the Month: Head Cheese

When Atticus first asked me if I wanted to try head cheese I thought he was talking about those football fans in Wisconsin who wear yellow triangles on their heads.

<Aren’t those made of foam?> I asked. <That’s going to give me digestive trouble and I don’t think it would taste good either.>

But then he explained that head cheese is something you find in the deli and it’s actually a meat. They take a hog’s head and sometimes the feet too, cut up all the different parts, boil it down, and then let it cool and chill into its own broth which acts like gelatin since it has all this suspended protein in it. He gave me a slice and the chunks of meat were fine but I have to say I wasn’t a fan of the gelatin. It’s a food that makes you feel like you’re eating it wrong no matter what you do. And the name is not only inaccurate—not a drop of dairy in there—but I think it’s also kind of gross, because Atticus used it a few days later to describe the stuff that a sick person sprayed out of their mouth and nose when they sneezed.

“Auggh!” he said. “I almost got hit with that dude’s nasty head cheese.”

So yeah, I haven’t really been hungry for any since then. Especially when there are so many other meats to enjoy that don’t come encased in a gelatin loaf.

You know what I’ve never had? Hippopotamus. And I don’t think I will either. Atticus told me that hippos kill more people than bears or sharks! They are deadly, dirty swamp cows that poop in their ponds and swim around in it. And yet, somehow, there are no horror movies featuring “hell hippos” or anything like that. Which tells me this: You can’t work with hippos. That’s how scary they are. You get bear movies and shark movies because they’re willing to work for the free catered buffet, but no hippo flicks. I asked Atticus how many people tried and died to make hippo horror movies and he said that there are no statistics available. Think about that! You mess with hippos and you just disappear.

So I guess my free advice this month is to stay away from hippos and head cheese. You’ll live longer and be happier!

—Oberon the Irish Wolfhound, who wouldn’t mind a porterhouse right now 

Turbo Mega Thanks

Kevin here. I'd like to thank you all for reading about Druids and doggies and great big bears and putting STAKED on the NY Times bestseller list, and leaving kind reviews all over the Internet(s), spreading the word, and so on. I'd buy you all a sausage if I could. Much love to the peeps in the UK too, because I've just been informed that STAKED is in its second printing there now!

It was wonderful to meet so many of you on tour—thank you for coming to see me! I have one more shindig in Dallas on Saturday, Feb. 20, at the B&N at Firewheel Mall, if you happen to be around there. I'll be appearing at 2 pm with four other urban fantasy authors you may have heard of: Charlaine Harris, Rachel Caine, Delilah S. Dawson, and Jaye Wells! After that, I'll be at various comic cons throughout the year. For a rundown on those, please see my Appearances page.

What am I working on now? A novella from Oberon's point of view called The Purloined Poodle, out in the fall if the publishing gods are with us! Can't wait for you to read it!